I've been cooped up alone (well, except for a dog) in my sister and brother-in-law's house with a flu bug since Wednesday afternoon. A significant portion of that time has been spent just laying down, sweating, and thinking. I rarely just lay down. I don't even take naps. I hardly even sit down... anyway, all of this laying down has given me time to think about stuff.
Like this- I'm a homebody. Actually, I'm not. I think I'm a homebody in Phoenix alone, simply because I just don't like it here at all. My blinds are always shut and my room is dark and cool; it's not Phoenix at all. No Kokopelli crap, no sun-washed anything. My point is, I haven't always been a homebody. It was only when we moved to Phoenix that I started to be this way. If my logic is correct, then it would follow that, were I to relocate to a city I'd actually like to live in, I may cease to be a homebody.
Or this- Every now and then, my boss asks me what I did or what I'm planning to do during the weekend, and I rarely have an exciting answer. I just chuckled as I recall that my answers have usually been either "nothing" or "my family is having a dinner celebrating so and so's birthday" blah blah blah... this is enough to make most any college-age kid question what he or she is doing with his or her life. Am I crazy? Do I have friends? Am I Buster Bluth? No, Yes, No. Again, similar to the homebody thing, I'm just out of my element.
I should note that I do have some evidence that would point toward the idea that getting me out of Phoenix and especially out of America can have a tendency to bring out a more social side in me that, perhaps, does not come off as being so disagreeable and reclusive.
All of this to say that I don't belong here. I don't belong in Phoenix, I don't belong in America, and I'm okay with that. I'm more than okay with that. I've always known that, it's just that time again, I suppose...
If you love living Phoenix and/or America, don't take offense; it's okay. But, I really do want a response to this: have you ever known anyone to come to Phoenix just for kicks? Not to visit family, not to go to the Grand Canyon or Prescott or somewhere else, but their sole purpose for coming here was just to hang out? Snowbirds don't count.
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It always tips the balance toward driving me insane and exhausted from living here when I'm looking for a foreign film but kind find it here in the states. It just pushes it over the edge.
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My last semester of university may be my busiest.
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I cry harder and laugh much louder when I'm by myself. I suppose we all do, but it raises the question, who do we become when we temper our tears and laughter around others? Perhaps more importantly, how did it become this way, and who made it so?
Dads.
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Wisdom and Love are not the flashiest, but they're always... wisest and most loving...? ahem...
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Was it just me, or did the Germany-Uruguay match consist of very little writhing around on the pitch by the players?
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Please don't pity me and my sickness. We all get sick. We all know it sucks. That's enough for me. Thanks.
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Kid Sister-Pro Nails (Rusko Remix) I've heard a fair amount of Dubstep; this has gotta be a favorite
I always enjoy the combination of emotional transparency and stream-of-consciousness style in your posts. Some thoughts:
ReplyDelete"I cry harder and laugh much louder when I'm by myself." - This is interesting. I can speak to laughter more than crying, but I laugh MUCH harder when I'm with friends than I do by myself. Laughter seems, to me, to be an almost inherently public activity. I DO laugh by myself, but it usually takes more to make me laugh, and I don't laugh as hard.
I thought I'd note that curious difference. Perhaps I should feel MORE self-conscious about my laughter. :-)
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"But, I really do want a response to this: have you ever known anyone to come to Phoenix just for kicks? Not to visit family, not to go to the Grand Canyon or Prescott or somewhere else, but their sole purpose for coming here was just to hang out? Snowbirds don't count."
Why don't snowbirds count? They could choose to go elsewhere for the winter (and many go to Florida) but for some reason, retirees (midwesterners in particular) come here in droves.
But, granting your restriction, I will say I know a LOT of people who come to Phoenix "just for kicks" - but they may not be your particular brand of kicks. A very large portion of our economy is based on tourism. That means an awful lot of people are coming here "for kicks." What sort of kicks? Well, if you've ever been on a Southwest Airlines plane in the month of March you know the staggering number of people who come here for Spring Training. And from that same airplane, if you're taking off or landing during the daytime, you can look out the window and see another big reason folks come here: Golf. And there are plenty who come here just to "hang out" as well, as the receipts at the Phoenician, Princess, Camelback, and numerous other valley resorts will testify. Finally, enough people (and not just retirees) find Phoenix attractive enough to make it the 5th most populous city in the country.
Of course, none of that is a reason for you to actually LIKE Phoenix, just an answer to your question. I don't begrudge you your opinion at all.
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Finally, I do feel bad about your illness. I know you had a trip planned, and I hope you feel better so you can still make it. I think sympathy is a way we're wired to "bear one another's burdens."
Be well, Chris! I hope to see you soon.
You will come visit me in LA? For HP? Just to hang? Yes? It's not Phoenix. I promise.
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