Sunday, November 7, 2010

"You Make Your Own Bed. Be Willing To Lie In It."

I am so sick of writing the words 中国经济的发展 which means "China's economy's development." It's the go-to phrase that I feel I've been programmed to use throughout my Chinese language-learning career if asked to "make a sentence using X sentence structure."
_

I've been journaling recently. I think it's a healthy habit for someone like myself who tends to over-analyze everything ever. This way, my journal bears the brunt of my over-analyzing, rather than my conscious self or those around me.
_

"It's not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential"
-Bruce Lee
"What you do is simply the proof of what you believe."
-Some smart guy in a lecture
"Most people fail because they just don’t want to improve badly enough."
-?
"A grocery shopping bag is both incorrect and incomplete if it does not have green vegetables bursting from the top of it."
"You can't keep anything up sleeves that you don't have."
"Is it stupid and arrogant that I list my own quotes on my blog? Likely."
-Chris Kyle
_

This is really excellent. Really. Thanks to Robb.
_

"All you men and women who are hoping to give birth to Aristotle, that ship has sailed."

"...the problem McTaggart had is that he was an idiot."

"...I'm just saying that what's good for the goose is what's good for the gander, not that I know what that means..."

(After making an 0ff-color joke): "That was to make FUN of misogyny."

-Meta-Physics Professor
_

"1 donut plus 1 donut equals what? One big donut, right?"
-Classical Chinese Professor
_

I won't write much about this: My Classical Chinese Professor gave the class the option of cancelling the (comprehensive) final exam and putting it's 20% of our final grade into the other 4 tests that we are taking this semester. Yes. The option to CANCEL A FINAL EXAM. We voted silently. Someone voted against cancelling it. Everyone is pissed. Well, almost everyone. I can't fathom why someone would do that; I don't care how they did on the tests we have already taken, we had the once-in-an-undergraduate-career chance to cancel a final exam and it slipped out of our fingers.
_

What if getting off of Facebook permanently is actually=gaining back part of real life? (As opposed to what it feels like, i.e. losing connection with all of the people on my friends list. The fear is unfounded and ironic= I fear that I will lose all my friends, while the reality is that I will get them all back.

Do you remember what it was like to have a crush on someone but not be able to find out everything about them just by hopping on a computer? Do you remember what it was like to see people in real life, and then not see them again until you saw them again in real life? I mean, to not even have the option of seeing someone's likeness apart from holding a photograph of them in your hand? Do you remember that?

Privacy-based issues apart, I am beginning to grow exceedingly wary of Facebook. I think it's ruining our lives, and I think that's not being dramatic at all. I think more than a little bit is at risk. I think we are addicts (even if you don't spend much time on it at all), and we can find any reason to justify our addictions, i.e. we tell ourselves that there is nothing wrong with living on Facebook. We live on Facebook. Simultaneously, our real lives, the ones that actually go places, do things, and meet real people, these lives got bored, fed up, and walked out the door a few years ago. And then we wonder why we are spread so thin and we wonder why our little brothers and sisters are socially handicapped. They'll never get to go to summer camp and have a crush on someone for 6 precious days... and then never see them again. They'll never know what that feels like. And that sucked. Saying goodbye to that girl sucked. That hurt was a feeling, and it was real. Now, we don't even know the hurt, we don't even know real; all we know is a computer screen and a desperate search for feelings that we've been told exist in aforementioned computer screen.

Compare the satisfaction of opening up your Facebook home page with initiating the first step in one of your favorite non-necessarily electronic-based activities, i.e. picking up the guitar or tapping the soccer ball onto the pitch or turning on the oven or fill in the blank. There is most likely no contest between these two levels of satisfaction. So, answer this: Why? WHY do we do this to ourselves?

The situation is hard to decipher because there is no bad guy. Facebook isn't the bad guy. And YET I still posit that, even if you don't perceive yourself to be addicted, something is still wrong. Something doesn't feel right.

And Facebook isn't the only problem, clearly. We are addicts. I don't care if I sound like a... 50... 60... damnit! Even 70-year-olds are on Facebook, no doubt. So I don't care what I sound like. All I know is, we are dying inside, whether we know it or not, and it's the internet that's administering the kiss.

And I want to choose who I kiss.
_

I am aware of the irony of writing the above on an internet blog and posting it on... Facebook. I am also aware of the myriad benefits of the internet, perhaps even more so than others who have not lived far away from loved ones. But the internet doesn't need to be defended. Reality is the underdog here, folks. Living a real life and doing real things without phones and computers, this is/is becoming a lost art.

Still, I am trying to reconcile these benefits and the reality of our situation. I still feel confronted with a choice, and the conviction with which I meditate upon the situation builds and cuts deeper and deeper into my heart, and it resounds in others when I tell them about it, and I simply find myself incapable of believing that I have to/it's okay to live as a cyborg for the rest of my life.

So perhaps this is where I put my foot down.

Like the title: We make our own beds. We should be willing to lie in them.

What if we were the age-group that got fed up and started fighting to live our real lives again?

This all got started because of a girl.
_

Here's another benefit of the internet: You get to listen to this song:
Late Night Alumni- Moonlighting

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Hope Bourne


_

I find it almost interesting that (at least) lingually and culturally speaking, Beijing has been attempting to control the south of China and the islands south of China for a quite a while... unsuccessfully, perhaps (depending on your definitions of "control" and "success").
_

Dear war,

You suck.
_

Meta-physics is one of, if not the class with the most challenging material I have ever been required to comprehend in my academic career. Take, for instance, this passage from Parfit's Reasons and Persons:
"Some would object that all of the other indexical concepts- such as 'here', 'now', and 'this'-must be explained in a way that uses the concept 'I'. This is not so. All of the others, including 'I', can be explained in a way that uses the self-referring use of 'this'. And this self-referring use does not involve the notion of a self, or subject of experiences. It is the use of 'this' that in this sentence refers to this sentence. With the use of 'this', we can express 'subjective' truths without believing in the separate existence of subjects of experiences."
I know what is being written about in this passage, but that doesn't mean I comprehend it, nor does it mean I could teach it to someone else, which is what was required of me when I took the first test (of 3) for this class. Here goes nothing... (i.e. there goes everything.)
_

Now may be an appropriate time to mention that I am approximately 9 weeks away from my final final of my final semester as an undergrad.
_

"Cross my balls, hope to die."

Teacher: "Do you have an Edward Cullen poster in your room?"
Female student: "No..."
Teacher: "I do. I used to think it was funny..."

"I don't know what's in the healthcare bill; no one does. That's why everyone can have such strong feelings about it."

-Philosophy Teacher
_

I haven't seen that Facebook movie, but I am almost willing to bet money that it signals the downfall of Facebook. I don't know how, all I know is that disenchantment is on the way.
_

Stacy Dupree and Darren King covering Fleetwood Mac's "Silverspring"

"You will never get away from the sound of a woman that loves you."
_

Homework will be the death of me. Yeah, I know I only have 9 or so weeks remaining, but still... if teaching is to be a part of my future, I must be mindful of this. I wish to be mindful of learning. Learning, as opposed to standards and grades. This may seem to be an impossibility.
_

_

William Fitzsimmons- Goodmorning (Pink Ganter Remix)
King's of Leon- Manhattan
Mumford & Sons

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Nudity in Combat

It has taken me a while to be able to get to this point, but I can now honestly say that, despite how intrigued I am by ancient Rome and Greece (Classics), I find that I just can't get into the subject. I truly enjoy the process of learning about life in ancient worlds, cultures, customs, etc., whether in the West or East, but the sole factor which must be present to allow me to remain interested in study of aforementioned ancient worlds, cultures, customs, etc., is the revelation of the fact that ancient peoples were not so different from myself. Until I can draw a connection between life at some ancient time and life currently, I find it challenging to remain interested. The prevailing feeling is, "It's over. It's done. Let's move on and live life right now." I have been hooked before, though; while learning about Tang Dynasty Chinese culture and life, I was hooked. I would now willingly take a course that exclusively outlines life in China during the Tang Dynasty.

I am in a Classics class currently. Not so hooked. Yet.
_

10 weeks left in the semester/my undergrad career. I feel happy.
_

I have only once been in an airport in China and, lingually speaking, felt comfortable in my life, and that was understandably when I moved back to the U.S. after living there for a year. I feel that the next time will be better than that one.
_

I feel that it's not so much what we do with people that matters with regard to connection-making in it's most profound sense. It's the intangibles: music, theatre, the arts in general, the ways that we look at each other, how we speak (as opposed to what we speak) and the corresponding attitude toward one another- these types of things are connection-makers. Words are only the vehicle by which connections are made. And I feel that it is very nearly only those things which foster connections with others that are truly worth spending time on or putting effort into. This explains why seeing a movie with friends is not a fulfilling experience unless it is accompanied by time spent speaking with those friends, perhaps, before or after the viewing of the movie. This may explain why some teachers are better than others- they are establishing connections with students, thereby making their classrooms places worth going, making their classes become classes worth attending, allowing students to enjoy learning. This may explain why small talk is very nearly worthless and unhealthy unless it is followed immediately by a deepening of the subject of conversation; small talk seems to be the ironic antithesis of connection. It may play it's role, but that role is minuscule.

That's what I think.
_

This makes me miss China.
_

Observation: Old people writing e-mails put commas in hella weird places. I don't think comma rules have changed that much sense they were in elementary school.
_

"I hate when pretty boys play lawyers (in film/TV); most lawyers are fat and ugly."

"I'm not going to subsidize your stupidity"

"I lose memories all the time, but it's not because of recreational drug use."

-Philosophy Professor
_

Haley vs Deadmau5- Falling in Love with Brazil (Kaskade Mashup)
Yuri Kane- Daylight (ft. Melissa Loretta)
Tiesto- Kaleidescope (entire album, especially...)
Tiesto- Here on Earth (ft. Cary Brothers) and
Tiesto- I Am Strong (ft. Priscilla Ahn)
Kings of Leon- Only by the Night (entire album)
Sara Bareilles- Kaleidescope Heart (entire album)
Daft Punk- Alive 2007 (entire album)

Sunday, September 5, 2010


This post might reek of bitterness and (I daresay) hatred... this is to be expected as I have less than a semester of school remaining until the tethers of this wretched cord which bind me to the location known as Phoenix are cut, or should I say "blasted into a oblivion"?

I will not attempt to justify the bitterness and hatred. I also trust that, despite this bitterness and hatred, the following will remain at least somewhat entertaining.
_

IMPORTANT: If you want free tickets to an ASU football game (seats are beside the band) this season, just let me know at least a week in advance.
_

I feel like an abnormally large slew of technological advancements are about to be made available to normal people for reasonable prices in the next few years. I've know idea why I feel that way. But I feel that way.
_

14 weeks remaining in the semester=14 weeks remaining in my undergraduate university student career
_

If you so desire, find a recording of the song "Longing" by Tan Dun (from the film Hero), get your best pair of headphones or earbuds, and crank that.
_

It goes without saying, but it's really awkward when the person with whom you are holding a conversation speaks loud enough for everyone in your vicinity to hear... and all you can do is speak at a normal volume and hope they do likewise.
_

Becky Jean Williams. That is all.
_

_

I don't miss the presidential elections at all. Everyone hated each other so much.
_

"This war is far from over, and the world still needs saving"

This was the sign-off message for the online game that my boss' young son was playing before he left the office the night before (with my boss). So it was the first thing I saw when I sat down at my desk the next morning, and it set the tone for my last day of work quite nicely, depending on how you look at it.
_

"Don't dream your life. Live your dream."
_

Some of you may recall that, last semester, I would often post quotes from "my philosophy professor." I will continue to do so and I wish it known that the current "my philosophy professor" and the one from last semester are one and the same. So, let's start with

"Corpses aren't persons. That's why they can't content to sex."

"I can't remember when I was born." (He seriously couldn't remember the year in which his birth took place.)

"I may not be able to remember what I was doing an hour ago because, maybe, between classes I like to have a little blow."

"Recycle, Reuse... there's one before that... reject?"

"How do laws get made in the United States? First, you have a lot of money. Then, you lie."

"No matter how many new ideas I get, I never gain weight. Ideas are like low-calorie sweeteners."

"I did take my meds this morning, but I ran out of distilled water and ended up using blueberry lemonade... vodka."

-My Philosophy Professor
_

And now you are all wondering where the bitterness and hatred is. I guess it's just all condensed in this one next section...

I confess: I typed the words "I hate Phoenix" into Google and hit "Google Search" the other day. I ended up at this forum at which most of the users were sarcastically talking about how much they "hate" Phoenix, while actually pointing out the things that they love about this city. In any case, one post turned out to be... well, here it is, with my responses in red.

As for me, I just hate AZ. Yup. I hate all that sunshine. Yup. I'd definitely prefer rain in its place. Then again, the city isn't made for rain so it's not so good. I hate not having to lock my doors for fear of not being victimized. Really? Phoenix is safe? No one is victimized? I hate the low property taxes (compared to CA). Oh right, and California is the only other place anyone could ever live. I hate the massive movie theaters. Yup. They steal your money and eat your time. I hate the spirit of individuality in AZ. Cool. That's exactly what we need: more individuality. Come to think of it, what the heck is s/he writing about? Individuality? How does one gauge individuality? I hate the $.50 per gallon lower gas prices. $.50 less than CA I'm assuming? What if you didn't even have to buy gas because you lived in a place where you could ride your bike everywhere, or the public transportation system just kicked so much butt that everyone rode the bus or subway? I hate the fact that AZ schools want to make sure students can speak English. This is just an awkward reason to like AZ. Never thought of that as an attraction, but to each his/her own. I hate the most beautiful sunsets in the world. "Beautiful" sunsets are caused by "beautiful" pollution, unless my astronomy and geography teachers lied to me. In any case, I've seen better. I hate the smell of the Valley afte a downpour. YES! I despise that smell. I hate the amazing thunderstorms and monsoons. Cool. All 2 of them/year. I hate all the camping, fishing, and hiking. Riiiiiiight. That's not Phoenix, so I'll let it slide.Gahhh, what a horrid place this Arizona. Agreed. Sure it has real problems like everywhere else, but these are the things I really really hate about Arizona. Right on.

So there. That should be the end of the H and B. As usual, I will remind you that we are dealing with subjectives here; you are fully entitled to love Phoenix with all of your heart, and you'll still be cool in my book if you do.
_

I long for a true autumn.
_

Oh dang. I ended with the hatred and bitterness. Have a great holiday weekend! You'll only have to put up with a couple more months of Phoenix bitterness from me! Soon I'll be blogging about adventures and happiness and interesting things in some other land!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Hot as a Fever, Rattlin' Bones

Hi. Welcome back to this blog.
_

I sincerely believe that I have the quietest phone that I know. Except maybe my mom's. I can go days without getting texts or calls. It makes my life feel quiet, sometimes.
_

I like the word "Draconian".
_

Thanks to Finny Finn Finn KK.
_

A. I'm currently the cymbal tech (instructor) for the ASU Marching Band Drumline. I cut someone from the line a week ago.

B. I turned down a dog-sitting job this morning, moments before I

C. Quit my job at AZ Pool Supplies.

This tells me that I've gotten much better at saying "No". I use to fear these types of situations that could potentially flip the crazy, flip-a-bitch switch in people. Everyone in each situation (A.-C.) responded very well, but it was my own confidence that has surprised me.

It still wasn't fun, though...
_

I never want to sit at a desk processing orders and shipping parts again. In fact, I hope I never hold a job that involves sitting at a desk at all. It's a good thing I pretty much have complete human control over that, even if it means being homeless. The Whole Foods check-out would probably work for me, though, if need be...
_

When I quit today, I felt like Han Solo telling General Rieekan that he has to leave Echo Base to go deal with the bounty he owes Jabba the Hutt. Except General Rieekan is my boss, Echo Base is AZ Pool Supplies, and ASU is Jabba's Palace. If you know what I'm talking about, we are probably friends. If not, that's okay, we can still be friends. Maybe.
_

No one has taken a picture of me in a long time. If they had, I would put one up on Facebook or on here...
_

No Youtube links this time... Grooveshark has them all

Miguel Migs- So Far
Inna Feat. Bob Taylor- Deja Vu
Tiesto vs. Diplo- Come On
Tiesto- Escape Me
Sade- Babyfather
Kings of Leon- Notion
Kings of Lean- Sex on Fire
Danger- 11h30
Kaskade- Steppin' Out

Saturday, July 10, 2010

I've been cooped up alone (well, except for a dog) in my sister and brother-in-law's house with a flu bug since Wednesday afternoon. A significant portion of that time has been spent just laying down, sweating, and thinking. I rarely just lay down. I don't even take naps. I hardly even sit down... anyway, all of this laying down has given me time to think about stuff.

Like this- I'm a homebody. Actually, I'm not. I think I'm a homebody in Phoenix alone, simply because I just don't like it here at all. My blinds are always shut and my room is dark and cool; it's not Phoenix at all. No Kokopelli crap, no sun-washed anything. My point is, I haven't always been a homebody. It was only when we moved to Phoenix that I started to be this way. If my logic is correct, then it would follow that, were I to relocate to a city I'd actually like to live in, I may cease to be a homebody.

Or this- Every now and then, my boss asks me what I did or what I'm planning to do during the weekend, and I rarely have an exciting answer. I just chuckled as I recall that my answers have usually been either "nothing" or "my family is having a dinner celebrating so and so's birthday" blah blah blah... this is enough to make most any college-age kid question what he or she is doing with his or her life. Am I crazy? Do I have friends? Am I Buster Bluth? No, Yes, No. Again, similar to the homebody thing, I'm just out of my element.

I should note that I do have some evidence that would point toward the idea that getting me out of Phoenix and especially out of America can have a tendency to bring out a more social side in me that, perhaps, does not come off as being so disagreeable and reclusive.

All of this to say that I don't belong here. I don't belong in Phoenix, I don't belong in America, and I'm okay with that. I'm more than okay with that. I've always known that, it's just that time again, I suppose...

If you love living Phoenix and/or America, don't take offense; it's okay. But, I really do want a response to this: have you ever known anyone to come to Phoenix just for kicks? Not to visit family, not to go to the Grand Canyon or Prescott or somewhere else, but their sole purpose for coming here was just to hang out? Snowbirds don't count.
_

It always tips the balance toward driving me insane and exhausted from living here when I'm looking for a foreign film but kind find it here in the states. It just pushes it over the edge.
_

My last semester of university may be my busiest.
_

I cry harder and laugh much louder when I'm by myself. I suppose we all do, but it raises the question, who do we become when we temper our tears and laughter around others? Perhaps more importantly, how did it become this way, and who made it so?

Dads.
_

Wisdom and Love are not the flashiest, but they're always... wisest and most loving...? ahem...
_

Was it just me, or did the Germany-Uruguay match consist of very little writhing around on the pitch by the players?
_

Please don't pity me and my sickness. We all get sick. We all know it sucks. That's enough for me. Thanks.
_

Kid Sister-Pro Nails (Rusko Remix) I've heard a fair amount of Dubstep; this has gotta be a favorite

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Bad news: Today... today I feel like leaving and being far, far away from here.

Good news: One semester remains.
_

Fact #1: When I grow up, I don't want to make money for a living.

Fact #2: When I grow up, I don't want to work a job that will make me live for my weekends.
_

_

Waking up to my own music instead of an alarm on a clock or phone has got to be one of the best things to ever happen to me.
_

I'm an extremely carnivorous herbivore. Wait... Omni? What?
_

My translation of THIS song

When did a beautiful peach blossom first learn deceit?
Who pawned off the first jade hairpin?
What I see gets stranger and stranger...
Just like seeing the ocean in the movies makes me want to see it myself,
The more I sing about the love of others, the more I want to find my own

You start to cry, I start to laugh
All for love, love, love
If you open up the dictionary one day and can't find the word "love", flowers may fade, trees may fall down, but love doesn't care;
Love will still look forward with expectation, it will still see loneliness as defeat...
I love, therefore I am

Those who have found the fruitfulness of love, please consent to remain seated
As the lonely here stand up; I don't want to, but I've got to join you...
Reading of the patience of literary characters
Makes me more and more used to being patient
Singing songs about love makes me want to find it

You call out, I calm down
All for love, love, love
If you open up the dictionary one day and can't find the word "love", flowers may fade, trees may fall down, but love still thinks it's all good;
Love will still look forward with expectation, it will still see loneliness as defeat...
I love, therefore I am

You can't wipe all the dust from the sky,
You can't buy a name brand item on the street,
You feel remorse, I act the fool, now love is possible

If it's true that every age has but one announcement to make,
Then "if you've never loved, then you've never existed!"

Love's not easy to understand, and it doesn't know good and bad,
but it's all about the love, love, love
If you open up the dictionary one day and can't find the word "love", flowers may fade, trees may fall down, but it's still all good;
Love will still look forward with expectation, it will still see loneliness as defeat...
I love, therefore I am

-My shoddy translation of 方大同's song entitled 爱爱爱(Love Love Love)
_

I need another story
Something to get off my chest
My life gets kinda boring
Need something that I can confess
Til' all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said
Come by it honestly I swear
Thought you saw me wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear
Something that'll light those ears
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

-from "Secrets", OneRepublic
(Trung, you were right...)
_